Film critics will often say that you cannot truly appreciate the best that cinema has to offer until you’ve sat through the absolute worst movies of all time. To be able to distinguish good filmmaking from bad and to watch movies that so terrible that you’d rather be doing anything else than watching this filth.
To me, movies that are “so bad, they’re good” do not fall into the group of the worst films ever made, like “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” “Birdemic: Shock & Terror!” and “Manos: The Hands Of Fate.” You can have fun with them, be entertained by their absurdity and terrible moviemaking abilities. These films are an unintentional comedy gold mines.
Then you have movies that fall into the category of just terrible filmmaking. These are the types of movies that are not fun to watch, even for their badness. They are unpleasant, insulting, poorly made, confusing and don’t care for any sort of audience. By the time these movies are done, you feel dirty and unhappy, as if you just wasted your time.
Yet, I will firmly admit there is one film out there that I consider the worst movie of all time. A film so bad that I have no idea how it got made or how anyone making the film thought what they were doing was a good idea. A film so bad that even “Mystery Science Theater 3000” could not make it enjoyable.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the worst film ever made, “Monster-A-Go-Go.”
I have never watched a film that was so poorly put together, as if a five-year old was in charge. Actually, a five-year old would have made a more vibrant and light-hearted film, not something so hateful and condescending towards others.
“Monster-A-Go-Go” was directed by Bill Rebane, who somehow was able to direct multiple movies after this abomination came out, including the laughable “Giant Spider Invasion” which I feel goes in the class of “so bad, it’s good.” Yet that film, which was made years after the 1965 “Monster-A-Go-Go,” still had the same terrible style of filmmaking: piss poor lighting so that you can barely make out anything the shot, the camera positioned so far away from the actors that even if it was lite well you still couldn’t see anything, actors looking down at their feet constantly (most likely to read the script taped to the floor) and editing that is either nonexistent or nonsensical.
Both “Monster-A-Go-Go” and “Giant Spider Invasion” were featured on “Mystery Science Theater 3000” but had two entirely different results. While MST3K ripped both films to shreds, you can have fun with “Giant Spider Invasion” due to the ridiculous nature of spiders taking over a small town in Wisconsin and two bloated scientists – one of whom is bigoted towards the female scientist – trying to stop the invasion from spreading. “Monster-A-Go-Go” on the other hand has nothing likable about it from the beginning.
In fact, to let you know exactly what I mean, here’s a link to the MST3K episode that riffs “Monster-A-Go-Go.” As a result, you can see the worst film ever made in its entirety, while these comedians try desperately to save the movie and their sanity.
I’ve watched this episode in the past, and each time I’ve noticed that these guys not only hate watching this movie, but can’t seem to find a way to make it funny. Try as they might, but they can only point out the flaws. Even Crow tries to make fun of the names in the opening credits, only to trail off and admit “this is gonna suck.” Years after the episode was released, the creators of MST3K said they felt “Monster-A-Go-Go” was the worst movie they ever riffed.
But in the end, the sign of the worst movie ever made boils down to how it makes the audience feel. The worst films out there will make the audience feel insulted, like the film is nothing more than a big middle finger on the silver screen.
For me, very few films do that. Simply because it is a movie. It is not a sentient creäture with emotions, desires and awareness. But every once in a while, there is that film that goes out of its way to be hateful and disrespectful to many people. “Godzilla: Final Wars” for example is hateful towards fifty years of Godzilla’s history and the fans that have enjoyed the franchise, by having a supposed celebration film be two hours long and only have twelve minutes of screen time for Godzilla.
“Monster-A-Go-Go” is another hateful film, mostly because of the ending. It’s a plot twist, but a twist that makes the rest of the film completely pointless and without meaning. As if the film is saying, “Haha! We tricked you into watching this garbage and you’ll never get that time back! Whose the loser now?”
The true loser is Bill Rebane and “Monster-A-Go-Go” for being the most disrespectful, wasteful, poorly constructed piece of trash I have ever seen on the silver screen. You do not even need a basic understanding of filmmaking to know this film sucks. Anyone with a half of a brain stem could tell you there is nothing enjoyable here, even ironically.
Still, I would recommend you watch “Monster-A-Go-Go” once. If only to understand why it is so bad and to see a contender for one of the worst films ever made. I would not recommend watching this without the MST3K commentary though, as that is the only thing which makes “Monster-A-Go-Go” bearable.
Categories: Movie Reviews